The Breakup Advice You Need To Hear, According To Astrology
Harsh, but true.
Breakups affect us in a multitude of ways. Even if it’s better that you and your partner call it quits rather than stay together, you can still be negatively affected by the breakup.
I mean, this is the one person you were really attached to; the person you loved and cared for, spent all your time with, and saw a future with – at least, a near future with. So, having to break it off with them, whether it was your idea or not, is hard.
And according to your zodiac sign, every single one of us handles a breakup differently. Some of us eat our feelings and cry until we have to rehydrate with bottles of water, while the rest of us believe the adage that to get over someone old, you gotta get under someone new. Clever, I know, and sometimes that actually works. But also according to astrology, there is some breakup advice we all need to hear.
Because if all you ever do is mope about until you start a new relationship, are you really happy or are you just going through the motions at this point? Don’t worry, I’m not judging; I get it. Having someone ripped out of your life for good can be as sudden as missing that last step when walking down a staircase – it’s gonna take you a minute to get your bearings again.
So, if it makes you feel better to rebound after a breakup (and fast), then that’s what you have to do. Others like the idea of recovering on their own. There’s no wrong way to get over a breakup, as long as it isn’t detrimental to your recovery – you still need to make time for self-care and self-love, you know.
But there are a few ways to get over a breakup that are science-based. And hey, maybe that will make it easier on you to bounce back! There’s this process called “love regulations” that is supposed to help you get over a bad breakup and give yourself closure, according to science and a study done by professors at the University of Missouri. Basically, there are three steps you need to take to get yourself out of those lingering feelings so that you can move on.
First, you reflect on all of the negative aspects of your ex and the relationship. Then, you think (or talk) about your current feelings for the relationship, as it stands now (post-breakup, that is). Lastly, you distract yourself with something that has absolutely nothing to do with the relationship or the breakup.
According to this study, people are most likely to utilize the negative recall and distraction methods to get over an ex. So, if you want to get technical, basically saying, “My ex ain’t sh*t!” and getting a new hobby. I can see that working, actually.
But your cycle of coping with breakups will never change, no matter how many love regulations you do, until you confront some harsh realities. We could ALL use some advice when it comes to dealing with breakups. And according to your natal horoscope, there’s one specific piece of advice that will pull you out of your funk and get you back to your GOAT status.
Once you start feeling your best again, you’ll be much more receptive to a stronger, healthier relationship in the future. Here is the breakup advice you need to hear, according to astrology.
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
Aries, you have a hard time letting go after a breakup. I get it, it’s not easy. But is talking about it all the time really the best way to get over your ex? Sure, there’s something cathartic about venting about your ex to your friends, but you don’t really seem to have an off switch when it comes to this “venting” – and your friends are too nice to say something – sorry, not sorry.
If you want some honest advice, here it is. There’s nothing wrong with moving on. You’re not weak or a failure just because your relationship is over, and not talking about what happened 24/7 doesn’t mean you’re not coping well enough. You’re allowed to shake it off and find someone better. In fact, that’s exactly what you should do. It’ll make it easier on you and whoever you name bae next.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
Taurus, you are like the Holy Grail of coping mechanisms when you’re getting over a breakup. You have a stockpile of sappy movies, tissues, and Ben and Jerry’s to last a lifetime. Whether it’s you getting over a relationship or a friend, you always make sure you’re well prepared for whatever kind of comfort a breakup needs.
But just because you’re over-prepared for heartbreak doesn’t mean that’s a good thing. Is all of this comfort food just your way of justifying the fact that you’re scared of rejection or are you really coping with a breakup? Here’s some advice: Learn how to love with your eyes closed. Stop looking for exits when things get hard. You love hard, yes, but only when you feel safe. Taking risks in love isn’t going to kill you, you know.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
Gemini, before you’ve barely said your last goodbye to your ex, you’re already on to the next thing. Maybe it’s not necessarily a new partner – you like other things, too – there are two things that you do not allow yourself to do. The first is mourn. Yes, things are over, but you’re single now baby and life is GOOD. Second, wasting your time (re: mourning). Life is too short to waste it on crying when you could be livin’ it up.
I wish I had your “let it roll off the shoulder” confidence, but no one quite does coping with a breakup like you, so I guess you’re just one in a million. Here’s a thought, though. What’s so hard about letting yourself have feelings? Why not cope with a breakup like a human being and see how it feels? It might not be your thing, but you’re also not someone to knock before you try something new. Maybe you’ll learn something.
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
Cancer, you’re the crab of the zodiac – and no, not because you’re always in a crabby mood. Like the crab, you tend to keep your comforts close, choosing to make your home your kingdom instead of venturing too far out of your comfort zone. When you were taken, you got very comfortable with the norm and didn’t do much to change it. Now, you have to make sure that you don’t let yourself get too closed off and lonely.
Think of breaking up and moving on like a hermit crab shedding its old shell for something better. Now that you’re single, you should be making time for friends, family, and yourself (and fun). Let your hair down, kick your heels off, and remember that something better is coming soon.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
Leo, you’re a hard one to break up with because you will not hesitate to cut your ex out of your life for good – including literally cutting your ex’s face out of any pictures you have together. It’s kinda scary, actually. It seems like it would be an exhausting waste of time to burn clothes, delete social media, and tell all of your friends how upset you are, but maybe that’s because a normal person probably wouldn’t do all of this.
I get it, you’re mad. You don’t half-ass anything, especially not relationships. Which is why you’re so upset – how can anyone give you up… do they not know who you are?! Breathe. Not every person deserves your fire. They don’t. A little advice, hear me out. Next time, try shrugging and saying, “Your loss, boo,” and getting on with your life. You know you’re worth it and one day you’ll find someone else who knows it, too.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
Virgo, you’re really talented at putting on your “I don’t care” face when you really, really do in fact care a great deal. Honestly, how do you do it?! When you’re dealing with a breakup, you brush yourself off and look for something (or someone) else to fill your time with, as if the breakup never happened. It might take you a while to find someone worthy of holding your attention, but you’ll find them, you always do.
Here’s the thing, though. Holding in all of that toxic energy and telling yourself you don’t care or that it doesn’t matter isn’t good for you. And even if you try to ignore it, it festers until it turns into something nasty like a rebound who is either so similar to your ex they could be a clone or someone the polar opposite. In need of some advice? Let yourself be blissfully single or date someone you actually dig.
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
Libra, breakups are like your green light to show your now-ex what they’re missing. Don’t get me wrong, you love showing off when you’re in a relationship, but now that you’re single, you really want to emphasize that a good thing is going to waste here. That means changing up your hairstyle (and color), ditching your old, tired wardrobe for something new, and maybe even something as drastic as getting a new tattoo.
Hey, there’s nothing wrong with going with shocking pink on your hair and a shocking new septum piercing in your nose. But are you really doing it for yourself? If yes, keep doin’ you. But if you’re hoping to catch your ex’s eye again, here’s a little advice. Repeating the past is NEVER a good idea. And unless you want to keep making the same mistakes, you’re better off looking for a new boo to go with your new ‘do.
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
Scorpio, when a relationship is over, you’re totally done with it. That means no crying over it, thinking about it, or talking about it. It’s as if you completely zapped your brain of the relationship like in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I mean, you’ll even go so far as saying, “Who?” when one of your friends brings up your ex’s name. It’s a sight to see, really.
But you need some advice concerning breakups, whether you want to listen to it or not. This is one of those toxic behaviors that aren’t actually as harmless as they seem. Instead of keeping your true feelings locked away after a breakup, let your ex know just how hurt you are. Scream, cry, throw things (not at your ex) – whatever you need to do to get over your ex. Letting yourself be emotional is cathartic, so give ‘em hell.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
Sagittarius, breakups are not a big deal to you. You can break up with someone one day and be bros with them the next. Still not sure if this is super weird or crazy mature of you yet… But either way, you are a pro at not letting things like breakups get under your skin. But wile you might know the real truth of your relationship with your ex, everyone else is wondering if you’re together, broken up, or what.
Call me crazy, but I don’t think you need to be friends with your ex after a breakup. Let me rephrase that into some advice for you: You don’t need to be friends with your ex after you break up. You don’t usually let your temper get to you when your heart is broken, but you certainly don’t have to keep in touch, either. Part amicably and move on! If it feels right to stay friends, then stay friends. But don’t make it an obligation.
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
Capricorn, I don’t wanna play favorites here, but you are a god-tier zodiac sign if I’ve ever seen one. There’s just something about you that screams success and perfection that other zodiac signs can only dream of. And you know you’re the sh*t, too. But when it comes to breakups, you only ever see yourself as a failure that’s not worthy of love. How does THAT happen?!
You put all of your time and energy into your relationships that when you’re faced with a breakup, you’re so exhausted that you have nothing left to give yourself. For you, coping looks like trying to right all the wrongs your ex saw in you until you’re not yourself anymore. Advice time: See loving yourself as a passion project to work on every free second you get. Make yourself a priority and go on a journey of self-acceptance.
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
Aquarius, you hate to admit it, but sometimes breakups affect you more than you like to think they do. Whenever you feel like you’ve lost a deep connection with someone, it can be a long road to recovery. Instead of bouncing back like you do from more casual encounters, you tend to wallow in the breakup, feeling like you lost a part of yourself in the process.
This might sound very un-Aquarius-like for some, but this moody, mourning you is just the darker side of Aquarius coming out. No big deal, but don’t let one person dictate who you really are: smart, bright, and full of love. Let yourself be sad, but then use that residual emotion to do something productive and creative. Getting out of your funk and into something fun is a lot more effective than you think.
PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
Pisces, this might sound like a backhanded compliment (which it isn’t), but you are amazing at consoling yourself after a breakup. You don’t need anyone to make yourself feel better because you know all the tips and tricks to getting over an ex and keeping it that way. It’s kinda scary how good you are at coping, but it’s probably because you’re so wise. All you need is a blanket fort, your favorite movies, and some alone time.
All of that said, can I give you some advice? Coping with a breakup doesn’t have to be an “all alone” kind of thing. Sure, it might seem nice to shut off your phone and go MIA for a few days, but you know what feels even better? Going out with friends, laughing with family, and being part of society again after sequestering yourself to a whole lot of one-on-one time with your ex-boo. Feel alive again, don’t hide yourself away!
Emily Ratay is a full-time writer living in Pittsburgh. She's passionate about the environment and feminism, and knows that anything is possible in the right pair of shoes. She plans on writing a non-fiction book in the future.